It is a very big question whether or not adding a second parent into your child’s life is going to help or hurt. This is a very reasonable question. It is a very common assumption that a child’s life is going to suck if there is only one parent, and having two is really going to impact the children the way they need to be impacted. However, there are plenty of drawbacks of being in a “nuclear” family, or a two parent family.

One con to dual parenting is the connections to the outside family. If the immediate family is too closely connected, it can be hard to let outside family in. Maybe that’s due to mistrust, maybe fear of reaching out, maybe an altogether lack of interest in them. That can lead to bad relationships within the outside family which will negatively impact the family as a whole.

Another possible con can come from stepparents. Not all stepparents are good. Some are downright mean, evil, and can be easily influenced by favorites. If a family has multiple children in it, a stepparent might pick favorites and dismiss the others, especially if a stepparent brings their own child from a past relationship into the new marriage.

A very good example that I can provide is my own life. My mom remarried after my sister was born. This man loved my sister and my brother but hated me. I was the victim of so much abuse from this man because I wasn’t the favorite. From the day they married to the day they divorced, I was the punching bag.

Another good example, even though it’s not real life, is Cinderella. The stepmother brought her two children and ended up hating and dismissing Cinderella. These examples are very good indicators that stepparents aren’t always the way to go.

However, there are some advantages to remarrying. One pro is that if the new parent is good, there will be unconditional love for your children, and that is what any parent would expect and should demand from someone acting as a father figure. If the child feels loved by a new parent, not only do they connect a strong bond with that parent, they will actually start seeing them as an actual parent.

At the end of the day, it is up to you and the family. If you all are ready to accept another family member in, it can be very rewarding. However, that always comes with risk. You just have to make the choice together.

In my research, there were two main ways that a single parent would help their children grow in a school setting. They would either have the school do most of the work and leave the rest for tutors OR would help their children outside of school rather than getting tutors. Just as you would expect, there are advantages and disadvantages to both.

The Tutor Route

Sometimes, parents just don’t have time to spend on their children’s homework. Maybe it’s due to jobs, commitments, religion, dating life. Regardless, their children still have to learn. Going the tutor route looks different for everyone, but there are normally some similarities.

You might see a child in an afternoon study help session in middle and high school. In an elementary setting, you might see a hangout after school in a teacher’s room with snacks, slight homework help, and some fun.

Outside of school, you might see a person mixing the roles of a babysitter and a tutor. They might watch the children, make a meal or snack for them, and watch them until the parent gets home. They might also in that time help them with homework. When I was an elementary schooler, I had a babysitter named McKenzie who always helped me with my math since she was in high school and knew the concepts well. A single parent might hire a McKenzie to help prepare their child for school.

One advantage of this is the fact that the school and the tutors normally know the system better than the parent. There is little chance of being taught an incorrect method of completing schoolwork. With the changes in education since you as a parent has been in school due to things such as information being updated or Common Core, there can be a disconnect.

A disadvantage could be that you might feel some FOMO, or fear of missing out, when it comes to what a child is learning. It could feel like you might be distant, and that might disappoint or freak out a child and cause a disconnect.

The Parent Only Route

The other position you could take is where you are 100% responsible for education outside of school hours. This differs in the way before because there is no after school interaction between teacher or student. In addition, there is no tutor to help either. It is the parent only.

One advantage to that is the connection that you will build with your child. You will be there for your child and they will notice that. It can strengthen your bond and bring you closer.

A disadvantage to that is the fact that it will be harder for you as the parent to get time for you to do things. Simple tasks like going to the store or big tasks like finding jobs can be hard, and it will make living a life outside of the kids and maintaining friendships very hard.

Which Is Best?

I don’t have an answer for that. As a parent, you have to figure that out for yourself and your family. You can go hot or cold on the issue, or you could combine the two and make a tutor/parent method hybrid. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s the best decision for you and your family.

Being a single parent comes with a lot of challenges, and one of the big challenges is the assumptions other people seem to make.

For example, people might assume that because you’re a single parent, you’re in a hardship. There’s a difference between hardship and hard. Single parenting is hard; single parenting is not a hardship.

Another example might be that it’s your fault you ended up a single parent. It takes two to end a relationship just as easy as it takes two to start one.

Maybe you’re a single white mom with multi-racial children. A lot of people assume that the dad just left. Even though that may be true, a lot of the time it’s not, and it’s a really hurtful assumption to make,

Everyone lives their own lives and has their own experiences. At the end of the day, it’s dumb to assume anything about anyone else’s situation.

Maybe you and your partner got divorced. Maybe there was an unexpected passing. Maybe a partner left you and your kids. Whatever the situation may be, you are now a single parent. Depending on your situation, this could be really good, or it can be completely terrible. There is a bit of good news, though.

The good news is you are not alone. There are many people in your parenting situation. Over 69% of the children in America are raised in single parent homes. There are so many people who can relate to you and can help you in your time of need. The support network that single parents have is amazing.

You have no reason to fear what is coming. These years will be some of the best. Your children make it all worthwhile. Enjoy your bundles of joy every day. Show them you love them and appreciate them. That way, everyone will be happier and feel the love.

Who I am and what my purpose is.

Who am I?

Hey everyone. My name is Jesse, and I am a college freshman at Whitworth University. I was raised in a single parent home ever since I was just over 18 months old. After my father left, my family financially struggled, and had no real way to learn lessons of how our family had to work unless it was trial and error. Now that we have our crap together a little better, I feel like I can give better advice and information of these situations.

Why do this?

My goal is to inform all people of my unique perspective on what happens in single parenting. I want to reach three types of people: people who have been in this situation, people who haven’t been in this situation, and people who are going through this situation. If I can help create a sense of comfort in the fact that someone going through this is not alone, it makes all of the pain that I went through worth it.